Why are you doing what you choose to do right now?
This question came while I was in the process of painting a T-shirt but did not feel like continue. The typical side of the brain that sometimes come up when things are getting tough and tells you to quit fighting for your dream and usually provides very good arguments.
But when I tried to answer this question, it forced me to dwell deeper within me, to really understand why it is so important that I do what I am doing right now. Why pushing myself outside my comfort zone and risking it all? Is it just a dream? Is it only for money? And the answer for both is NO.
When last year I was going through a really deep depression I managed to analyze all the options available to make me come out of it.
I started writing down my professional experiences and everything I went through in life and on the side I wrote down how those experiences made me feel, where they fulfilling, satisfying, healthy? Plus I wrote what I was capable of doing at the moment and my physical health.
Out of that long list, the things that made me a happy person and gave me the passion for life and so much enthusiasm that physical tiredness and long hours did not matter, were those when I was allowed to be creative, and live in contact with Nature. So those became my Goal. Which then resulted in a Plan or a series of Plans. If Plan A does not work then it could be B or C or….
So you slowly realize what are the things that you need, to take those little steps. You organize the environment, you create the space, you allow the time, creativity is flowing at full speed and then you are faced with a new problem…not another one, please!!
This is when the WHY becomes so important to motivates us to CONTINUE and DO NOT GIVE UP.
The other day I was so affected by all the bad news I read that I stopped doing anything. Everything seemed pointless when the whole world seems to go under! The iceberg that is melting, animals dying, hot temperatures everywhere, man-made fires, wars. What saved me was the thought of my young nephew enjoying his week at summer camp in the mountains and the sound of children playing outside the house. And that is HOPE. Watching so many beautiful pictures of great artists on Instagram and WordPress that highlight the beauty around us. And so I ask myself, do I want to be someone that contributes to negativity with my depression? Or do I want to join those that every day are doing their little piece by adding joy and beauty?
And there I have the answer to the question as to WHY? I do what I do, which is painting, drawing, taking photos, writing and sharing, because it makes me happy, it makes me feel alive and enthusiastic about life and gives me hope NOW, and because I feel I am contributing even if only a little to the beauty of the world. This is the only choice I have for living as a person spreading positive vibes, other ways which I have already tried, and believe me I have tried almost anything possible, makes me a miserable person.
When I first embarked upon this journey here in Portugal, my motivation behind concentrating every possible waking hour working on the computer and making designs, instead of having fun on the beach or going to explore the place and meet new people, was thinking about the actual persons of my family that had given me the chance to be here.
But that is not enough because when eventually the body weaknesses catch up with you and a few other obstacles come along, you need to have a higher and deeper purpose for pushing you to continue.
The fact that you have realized what your passion is and what drives you does not solve the problems of how you are going to make ends meet until you reach that GOAL. But it is the force that will make you take that one step today, against all odds, that will eventually take you there.
Sometimes it is very difficult. Writing this post today has been a challenge for me because I am going through that moment of lack of motivation. But I set to write at least one post every weekend where I share with you this process, being good or bad, and I have to follow that schedule otherwise everything will break. If I miss the appointment with creativity again, I already know what happens….
You can follow me on Instagram too at sunfreestar.